So I've taken a break from writing and I've regretted it. Normally I'm a verbal processor, but I've found expressing my thoughts here has been useful. It has been even more useful since I can't sleep and Kari gets upset when I wake her up talking to myself or our dog. So we will see how long I can keep from having late night conversations with Lola(my dog) by doing this.
Two to three weeks ago I read a book called Losing God. I really struggled reading this book because it brought back some very difficult memories. The author(Matt Rogers) was a pastor who dealt with depression and a crisis of faith that left him feeling isolated and broken. Much of the book is very dark because according to him it was dark, so why write about it any different? He discusses how he felt he couldn't express the crisis of faith to his friends or family because they were believers and would look upon him negatively. Much of his struggle was internal, and much of it was mental. I identified with his thoughts on how fellow Christian's handle issues of faith poorly. While struggling with depression and faith I wound up telling no one because it was easier than the alternative, and would result in less people thinking I was a failure or idiot for not believing the way I should.
I believe that the church has struggled with this for a long time, and continues to struggle with it. I have a family member that has struggled with self-harm. I've struggled with depressive thoughts related to self-harm. The church has not been an avenue for healing through either of our situations. I think this is because the church doesn't know how to respond to it. We tell people to "choose joy", we read them scripture, and tell them to hope in God. Now before you get upset at me please understand that I believe all three of the things mentioned above are wonderful, but they need to be used in a way that is helpful and not as simple default answers.
One of the greatest women I have ever met was a professor of mine at Kuyper College - Jessica Maddox. Professor Maddox was incredibly intelligent and she loved God in a way that was evident every time she taught. She came into class two days after miscarrying and taught our class about how we interpret the Bible. Before she started her lesson however she stood before us with tears in her eyes and expressed that she was in mourning. She explained that she would be sad and struggling to get through the day for some time, and that was ok. It was necessary for her to move forward.
What do you think would have happened if in that moment I had stood up and told her that it wasn't ok for her to be struggling, and that she should 'trade her sorrow for joy' because her dead baby was maybe, possibly, hopefully in heaven? I hope someone would have told me to shut up or hit me really hard - but that is how I believe the normal response from the church looks.
I believe that as creations made in the image of God we were made to love like him. Yes sin has tainted us, but we still have the capacity to love. That love of God's creation causes us to feel strong emotions about important people in our lives. We need to realize that we are living into our calling as believers when we take the time to mourn the passing of a loved one while at some point celebrating their new life in heaven if they were believers. It is not weakness to cry when we experience loss, it's loving the way God created us to love.
^^ Give me a listen while you're reading ^^
Jewish culture understands this need to mourn. They practice something called "sitting shiva", or "sitting seven". When a member of a family passes away the remaining members take seven days to mourn and allow the loss of the individual to impact them. Their friends and family come over not to encourage or uplift but to simply sit in the sadness with the family.
How amazing. Do you realize what that does? It removes your agenda. It tells people that you are there for them and not for yourself. You are there to simply love them through their pain. What greater witness to the truth of the Gospel than giving up your desires to love someone where they're at.
When Lazarus is dying Jesus is called to go heal him. By the time that Jesus gets there however Lazarus has already passed away and Jesus comes into a home where everyone is mourning and crying. He could have walked up to the home and simply raised His friend from the dead. He totally could have done that, after all He knew the ending to that story, and He could have just gotten to the part where He was glorified. But what does the Son of God do?! He cries, He mourns, He sits in their sadness and empathizes with a hurting people. I don't know about you, but I read that section of scripture and it gives me chills. Jesus was sitting shiva with his friends and gave them time to process the passing before he took any action.
What a savior.
May you find the courage today to speak less and love more knowing that by sitting in someone's sadness you are ministering to them far more than your words ever could. May we as the church love more deeply and completely knowing that God is glorified in our strength but more so in our weakness.
