Lola

This is Lola. Lola is an 80 pound American Bulldog. She loves people food and eating couches. She barks when she sleeps and spends most of her time lying around. She is very moody. This is her in diva mode.

Kari got Lola as a puppy before I met her. Kari raised her, trained her, fed her, played with her, and bathed her(sometimes) before I came into the picture. When we got married two and a half years ago Lola became my dog as well. At least that's what I thought. It turns out that even though Kari and I agreed to love, cherish, and honor each other Lola made no such agreement. In fact there are times where I'm pretty sure Lola is upset with Kari for making the dumb decision to marry me. Especially when it comes to the sleeping arrangements.

When I mentioned that she's moody I meant it. You can try all you want to not be bothered by the cold shoulder she gives when you don't give her enough attention. It won't work, you'll beg her to look at you, and then she's won. Game over. You are puddy in her paws at this point. Enjoy the next two hours of play time you've given to making her happy. I'm convinced she learned these tactics from Kari(Just kidding Kari, you're wonderful)

Photo Evidence:

No pictures... please.

Over the years I've gotten used to the fact that Kari is Lola's favorite. When the two of us come home I get a courtesy sniff and Kari gets the tail wagging waddle and kisses session. If the two of us are calling to her I know without a shadow of a doubt who she is going to go to. Just so you know, it's never me. It's not like Lola dislikes me by any stretch, I just haven't put in the same amount of time/effort. I wasn't the one who took care of her when she couldn't take care of herself, fed her when she didn't have anything to eat, or taught her to sit and lay down. 

Kari is, and always will be, her favorite. 

I've learned a lot from Lola in the past three years. Most of these things have to do with how I perceive the world around me. For instance I've discovered through her that I hate being inconvenienced. The sound of her whining to go outside or barking to come back in is grating to my ears. I continually say things to her like "But you were just outside!" or "Can't it wait till I'm done with this email/game?" For some reason those responses don't get through to her very well. 

As a side note: I've also learned that dogs do not in fact, speak English, despite everything I learned from Anchorman. Curse you Baxter!

Side note two: I fear that babies will not speak English either. If that's true I'm not sure how the baby fantasy football league I want to set up with my friends who have their own babies will work out. 

The biggest lesson Lola has taught me reinforces Young Life's idea of "winning the right to be heard". When I first met Lola she spent the entire time on alert making sure I wasn't doing anything sketchy with Kari. In fact to this day when Kari and I hug each other she sticks her entire body in between us and whines if we don't let her. As time went on though I saw Lola getting used to my being around. We developed a relationship that slowly became normal.

"Winning the right to be heard" is the idea that kids need to know why you're spending time with them before they care what you're saying. They are immediately on alert when social norms are broken. I can guarantee you its not normal for a 27 year old guy with a beard to walk into a high school cafeteria and sit down for lunch with 16 year olds who don't have peach fuzz yet. The great thing about ministry though is that if you're persistent things change over time. I've spent the last four and a half years spending time with the same group of high school guys. I pursued the heck out of them in 7th and 8th grade. Today I get phone calls/texts from them without having to be the one always on the phone. I'm blessed to share my life with them.

One of the best parts of doing relational ministry is you sometimes get to experience moments like this:

Except, you know, with humans.

Transformational, not Transactional

I have a favorite gas station. It's the Speedway on the corner of Leonard and Michigan. You can't miss it. It has a terrible parking lot, is always congested, and I often have to wait to get gas there. It also experienced a breakdown of the pay at the pump system that forced people to pay inside the gas station. I love it there.

I love it because of the people who work there. When the pay at the pump system broke down I was forced inside to pay for my gas. The first time I made my way up to the window I was greeted by a woman who asked how I was doing, and what my plans were for the day. I was genuinely upset. How could this woman expect me to answer such silly questions when I was being terribly inconvenienced? Didn't she know I was late for a meeting and was only coming inside because SHE broke the gas pump I was using? She apparently didn't care about my dilemma and after I mumbled a response of "good... nothing" continued to chat at me until my card processed and I walked out of the store angrier than I could understand. 

I realized this women was living a very different life than me. I spend a lot of time with high school students investing in them. Sometimes this investment turns into some great actions, and sometimes there isn't any response. I'll admit that I get disappointed when I hear stories about students that make poor choices. I often think "Oh man. Did they listen to anything I said?" or "We covered that last week!". In cases like this I view ministry like math where X is my effort, Y is the message, and T is the youth. I want it to work like this:

X(Y) + T = Christian lifestyle

But people don't work like math problems. Especially during a time in our history when people are more and more interested in living outside of social norms. That's a topic for another day though.

I often live a transactional lifestyle. I walk around looking to fulfill people's needs while fulfilling my own. During this process I try and avoid any unnecessary time or effort. Most people operate in this world. They want to get through the day without opening themselves up too much to outside forces while accomplishing their checklist of tasks.

A transformational lifestyle on the other hand revolves around living like each moment of our lives could cause change or growth in the people around us. It's showcased in the cashier from Speedway choosing to ask me what I was doing with my weekend instead of asking for cash or credit. It's visible in schools when students ask the "How are you?" question and care enough to go beyond the "ok" and "good" answers.

I am challenged to live this life on a daily basis by the words of Paul in the book of Ephesians 4:1 - "As a Prisoner for the Lord, then, I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received." We are called to live transformational lives in all things, whether that is getting gas, fixing a toilet, or ministering to youth in our church. We add so much value to each other when we live this sort of life.

How can you be transformational in the life of your _________ today?

Finishing

                This year we have 8 seniors who have graduated. That means there are 8 seniors who will be leaving our student ministry to embark on a new set of adventures in college. These 8 individuals will pursue completely different job and opportunities over the next few years. We have a pilot, a theater buff, an engineer, a doctor, and a missionary, just to name a few. As their pastor my hope is that while they have different career aspirations they remember most the thing that binds them together – their faith. There are numerous statistics that speak to high school graduates walking away from their faith. And if we apply those statistics to our 8 students at least 4 of them will choose to not attend church in college.

                While this number has the potential to paralyze there are other statistics which give me hope. For instance the statistic that says students who have a relationship with their pastor/church are more likely to stick with their faith. Or the statistic that says students are more likely to stick if they’ve taken their faith and hold it as their own. I pray that these statistics are indicative of our students. I pray that our graduated seniors feel the embrace of a loving savior and carry that into their first year of post high school education.

                In the end we’re talking about finishing and perseverance. This struggle is something that mature Christian’s have dealt with for years. Pain and difficulty challenges resolve and conviction. Faith either shines through or falters for a period of time. Most high school students haven’t had to deal with these things by themselves. This is why college is such a huge drop off point for students and their faith.

                I ask this summer that you take the time to pray for our graduates. I ask that you pray they persevere through the difficulties and new challenges of post-high school life and finish well. Statistics are helpful in determining trends and giving insight, but in the end it’s the Holy Spirit that has the final say.

Grace and peace to you this summer,

-Mat

How did we get here...

In the future people will look at pictures of Dzhokhar Tsarnaev and talk about the evil he and his brother Tamerlan brought upon the city of Boston. Many will bring up the Middle East and the restless political and social unrest there as a source for the Boston bombings.

I believe these discussions would be justified on some level.

When I look at Dzhokhar's picture that's not what I see. I see a 19 year old kid who doesn't brush his hair enough. I see a kid who worshiped his big brother and followed him anywhere. I see a kid who had a bright future, who was smart, educated, and athletic. I see no more evil in his eyes than students I meet for coffee or take out to lunch.

But there is still evil there. There is still evil in the eyes of the students I meet.

Do the students in Youth Group/Young Life blow up marathons? Obviously not.
Do they do similar things in their hearts? All the time.

My good friend Seth had this to say about Dzhokhar "You can talk revenge if you want, but my first thought on hearing about Dzhokhar Tsarnaev was, '19 is too young. Too young to ruin your life, too young to cause that much suffering, too young to lose your soul.'"

I am struggling with the reality that students I interact with could end up this way.

I am challenged today to love better believing that God will work through it
I am challenged today to speak truth with urgency believing that God will work despite me
I am challenged today to go deeper with students believing that God works in relationship


I hope today that you feel called to come along side me as we reach the next generation.

I wonder what would have happened with the Tsarnaev brothers if they had people in their lives willing to step up and build relationships with them. Would we even know their names?

What you're(I'm) worth

For the past several months our youth group has been journeying through the book of Job asking some difficult questions. Some of these questions have even more difficult answers. Two of the big questions are

Why does God allow Job to suffer

and

Why does God allow other people to suffer

Both of these questions are difficult to answer. There are some fairly solid theological answers that we discussed, but I think most of the students in our group weren't really looking for that type of answer. I believe these two questions drive deeper into a more personal dilemma about our self-worth. Even the problem of evil really comes back to people feeling like God doesn't value them the way they think an all powerful/loving God should. With that in mind we made our way to Job 38-42 yesterday. 

“Who shut up the sea behind doors
    when it burst forth from the womb,
 when I made the clouds its garment
    and wrapped it in thick darkness,
 when I fixed limits for it
    and set its doors and bars in place,
 when I said, ‘This far you may come and no farther;
    here is where your proud waves halt’?"

So we have this God who according to Psalm 38-42 is immense. His enormity is so vast that he told the waves where to stop and the heavens where their expanses should begin and end. It's clear God is making a point to Job that He is infinite and Job is not. Here we find the root of the questions being asked above. If God is that big, and I am so very small, do I really matter at all to God?

No. And at the same time, Yes! 

The purposes of God are unimaginable, ginormous, holy, vast, infinite, extraordinary, fantastic, impossible, ineffable, and glorious! When we understand that God's plan is so much more than us we are left with an immense chasm between how valuable we are and how valuable God is. In that regard we are pretty much worthless. We would still be worthless if it were not for the work of Jesus, and it is in that work that we find our value. We are blessed as believers by a God who views us not as our sin or brokenness has left us, but through the person of Jesus Christ all glorious and holy. 

This is a tension in scripture that we must struggle with daily. Sin is separating and so we must continue to humble ourselves before God, but we are also lifted up to the Father covered by His Son and in that we have confidence in His plan for us.

Job 38 is easily my favorite passage of scripture in the Bible. I read Job 38 and feel like I'm being rocked to sleep. I asked our students Sunday to close their eyes as I read it to them so they could feel the waves of awe present in the text. In her memoir Mary DeMuth talks about "Thin Places" where we draw closer to heaven as if we're breaking through a barrier into the world of the supernatural. If you can find thin places in books or words then Psalm 38 is one for me.

I hope in some way our students left yesterday understanding that Job's response to God is the perfect balance between confidence in our maker and humbleness before Him.

“I know that You can do all things,
  And that no purpose of Yours can be thwarted.
‘Who is this that hides counsel without knowledge?’
  “Therefore I have declared that which I did not understand,
  Things too wonderful for me, which I did not know.”
‘Hear, now, and I will speak;
  I will ask You, and You instruct me.’
“I have heard of You by the hearing of the ear;
  But now my eye sees You;
Therefore I retract,
  And I repent in dust and ashes.”

May you live in this tension today!

I'm not who you want me to be... Yet.

Every month I submit an article to our church newsletter, Oakleaves. I've decided to start posting them here. They don't really have titles, but I make up titles for them in my head.

This one is called "I'm not who you want me to be... Yet."

Most of the time I find myself thinking about life in a very selfish way. The things that I want, that I need, that I deserve. Culturally that doesn't rock the boat because everywhere we look we're told to watch out for ourselves. This is so much the norm that when we see random acts of kindness we are often shocked. As believers we understand that the world we experience today is not at all the way it should be, and sin has caused our perception of things to be tainted and broken. We see this brokenness in all aspects of our lives. Unfortunately it is often youth who suffer most from the brokenness of our world. 

Students receive input from social media, friends, teachers, the church, and their families. Most of you receive this same input but as an adult you are able to more easily discern the information you take in. As students develop they also gain the ability to clearly discern what they are hearing, but most do not perfect this until much later in life. As the brokenness of the world hits an adolescent, whether through divorce, heart break, addiction, or some other force, their response will nine times out of ten differ from yours. An adult may see divorce as the end of a love less relationship while their son or daughter may view it as more affirmation that they are unlovable. The conclusion isn't logical but that doesn't make the child wrong, it makes them misunderstood. As a church body we must care for the needs of our youth where they are at, not where we think they should be. They will mess up and make mistakes, but they will also surprise, inspire, and encourage us if we understand where they are coming from. 

I cannot become less selfish by trying harder. I can only begin to care for others more than myself by drawing closer to God. The same goes for our youth. I pray you find time in the coming months to encourage the students at Oakhill to draw closer to God as they struggle through a world filled with brokenness.

-Matt

Winning the lottery would destroy me.

Today was grueling. 

Washing, priming, painting the entrance and upstairs hallway, putting up curtains, replacing toilets, filing down end caps on counter tops, and cleaning up Christmas stuff. It was a very busy day, and I'm physically exhausted to the point that typing this I'm having to take breaks. This exhaustion comes with a sense of accomplishment though, something that I wouldn't have believed before experiencing it.

I've told Kari since I've know her that I (jokingly) feel that God is calling us to win the lottery. So we've talked numerous times about how we would spend the money, who would get what, and what we would leave for our kids. We both agreed to spend money only on necessities and give the majority of it away to friends to pay off debt, family members and charities we think deserve it more than we do. All well and good I realize but I think this line of thought leads us to a negative place.

If I never had to work for anything or struggle to achieve a goal I would end up an entitled jerk. I've seen it happen multiple times on my birthday. I never deserved presents, not at any point during my life(neither did you by the way). In fact there were years where I probably should have given presents to my parents for putting up with me. I would get a new Lego set and immediately lord it over everyone I possibly could. I would run around to neighborhood friends with my newly assembled sub/castle/star ship/moon-rover-with-attached-landing-pod-and-moon-rock-grabbing-claw and make them as jealous as possible since I was the only one on our street with such awesome stuff and they were beneath my status as "Lego Lord". 


I wonder what would become of me if I won 500 million dollars.


My guess is that I would spend it all and end up destitute like the majority of lottery winners. 

Culturally though I think my birthday example is happening quite a bit today. I have students at Church and Young Life who believe the world owes them something good. That they should receive the same sort of treatment that someone who wins the lottery receives. That regardless of their grades, their achievements, their skills or abilities they should receive the same shot as everyone else. 

Unfortunately that is just not the case and leads to what I'm calling an "if only" culture. 

"If only" I won the lottery
"If only" I got good grades
"If only" that girl/guy liked me
"If only" my parents were still together
"If only" I looked like her/him

This is a dream world. 

It's a dream world that leads to depression, bitterness, suicide, anger, and immense pain. 

The main problem with "if only" culture is that it never ends. There is always going to be something else that will sneak up and become a new fascination, a new "if only". What happens if I DO somehow end up looking like Hugh Jackman with my shirt off? What will replace that hole I was trying to fill? Money? Women? Status? It's this endless spiral of needing more and more and more to compensate for the actual hole that is burning inside of us. This search for things to fill us is only fueled by media like Pintrest, Facebook, and Twitter. 

Let's take Pintrest for example. People make boards simply to add items they one day maybe hopefully if they get lucky will own/make/dress like. There is this immense danger inherent in the creation of Pintrest. It create a fantasy world for people to invest in, which they most likely won't fulfill.

If you look at perfection every day but never see it in yourself you're missing the greatest truth the world has to offer. Don't. miss. it. 

Genesis 1:27 "So God created mankind in his own image,

    in the image of God he created them;

    male and female he created them."

Genesis 1:31 "God saw all that he had made, and it was very good"

So what?

What can you do? What can you as a teenager/parent/young professional do to combat "if only" culture? 

Be yourself - put down your phone, the controller, your tv remote and have a conversation with the people around you. Ask hard questions and don't accept the standard "good, fine, ok" answers. Encourage often, love well, wake up early, take walks, invite friends over, laugh, remember you are part of a community of people - you are not alone!


And if all else fails, shake it out.

Take it All

Recently Kari and I were sitting at home scrolling through the different television shows on Hulu Plus. Since we don't really have cable this is our means of interacting with shows people watch on a regular basis. The only difference is that we often view the shows a year or more after they go on the air, oops. While scrolling Kari stopped on a television show called "Take it All" and expressed she had seen a small portion of the show previously and it might be entertaining, so we put it on. An hour later I found myself in such emotional and physical anguish I wanted nothing to do with television ever again.

The premise of "Take it All" is very simple. You pick random prizes from a screen, they are revealed and have an unknown value, and the person at the end of each round with the lowest costing item is eliminated. It becomes less simple when you learn you can steal your fellow contestants prizes and force them to take a random prize from the "dream screen".

So Kari and I watched this process go on until only two contestants were left. At this point the contestants enter into the "Prize Fight". They are presented with two options in front of them, either "Take it All" or "Split It". The catch is that if both contestants pick "Take it All" they both get nothing, if only one of them picks "Take it All" that person takes everything, and if they both hit "Split It" they retain their own items accumulated during the game.

In the episode we watched a man who spent time volunteering to be a mall Santa lost to a woman who claimed she needed books for her classroom. The $420,000 she won will buy her a lot of books for sure, but I have a feeling the $300,000 she would have won if she selected "Split It" would have bought quite a few books as well.

I was devastated. My heart simply could not take the blow of what occurred or the realization of what the show was actually all about. Kari and I were entertained by other peoples pain and misfortune. I was offended beyond words and spent the better part of the day reeling from this woman's decision to take everything from someone else.

The last couple of days while I've been trying to process how something like this could be entertainment I've been bombarded with other examples of the same thing. Shows like Funniest Home Videos, Big Brother, Survivor, Design Star, Amazing Race, and American Idol are based upon watching people fail or lose some contest. Most of the time I've seen these shows the people who lose rush off in tears to be consoled by friends or family because they're in such pain. Series like CSI, Law and Order, Chicago Code, The Wire, and Dexter bring fictional stories to life but are centered upon the death of a person or persons.

What is our fascination with these types shows and why are we as a society drawn into them?

As believers we are called to be agents of restoration in our world. I wonder what our response to television should be. I can't wrap my brain around this whole thing. I've been sitting here frustrated and angry that I've allowed myself to be sucked into something so detrimental to my own well being. I'm numb to so much of this stuff I've had to think and rethink everything I watch.

How can I engage a culture that so quickly snares and pulls at me?

I'm left hoping the pain doesn't go away, that I'm still as shocked and dismayed about seeing entertainment at others misfortune a year from now as I am this moment.


I just don't get it.

I'm going to need some help.